Finding Happiness

          Nowadays, I do not feel like writing any more blogs. I just don’t know why. May be I have turned too much pessimistic or may be it is the guilt of making others pessimistic. I do not feel like going to sleep at night. It seems like once I sleep, one more day of my life is over. In the morning, I don’t feel like getting up and going to office. I do not care if the cook has made dinner or not. People suggest lots of things. Somewhere I heard the term early life crisis. Is it that or is it something else? I just don’t know.
          To keep myself from getting melancholy, I must keep myself busy. I am trying reading novels. The one I am reading currently is “The Cry of Halidon” by Robert Ludlum. But you see, when I try to read it one my way to office, the movements of the bus ensures that I am not able to read more than one page. The result, either I go to sleep or else, I get lost in the dreams of years gone by. I think that I have developed this habit of living in the past. I always worry how I could have made my past better and in the process, I neglect my present. Sometimes I try to give attention the present but before I know, it has already become past. The past, which I remember and smile in solitude.
          In fact, many people have told me personally that they have seen me smiling in solitude with no apparent reason. What do I tell them? They will never understand why I am smiling. It’s just a reflex.
          I believe that every positive aspect inherently brings with it a negative aspect as well. If you have been watching superhero movies, you will see many super villains as well. Well, we do not see both kinds in real life. Thus, when I talk of smiling in solitude, I must also talk of crying in solitude. I have lately discovered that crying can be an art. You can make people think that you are smiling when actually, you are crying. Crying you heart out, but only you can sense it. Sometimes, if it is raining while you are traveling in a bus and you feel like crying, you can try crying while jutting out your head partially out of the window. I know, it sounds very silly. Try it once.
The point to note here is that it is just a part of life. Life will give you sadness and happiness in equal proportions. It depends on you which of these you tend to remember and which one to forget.
          Look at the people around you. You will find loads of happiness all around. All you have to do is just allow yourself to absorb it. Once someone told me that happiness is not an entity in itself. The absence of sadness is happiness. I still cannot decide if this is true or the opposite of it. I hope thats enough of pessimism for today. Watch out for my new blog series at http://how-r-u-doin.blogspot.com. The subject matter will be relationships. Its true, gossips always sell :). But instead, this will focus on the intricacies of various relationships we face in our daily lives. Hope to make you smile.